Kisses, the Ocean, and the Real Sawyer
by Stahlfan125
Summary: (Rated to be safe) Kate and Sawyer have a conversation on the beach one night. Post-"Confidence Man"


Here's my first "Lost" fanfic! Being a huge Kate/Sawyer shipper, I started writing this right after seeing "Confidence Man". Therefore, this is post-"Confidence Man".

I'm aware that this is a piece of crap, but oh well. Sorry. This was originally intended to be a multi-chapter story, but I don't think I'm going to continue.

Please review. I love reviews!

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**Kisses, the Ocean, and the Real Sawyer**

It was just supposed to be a small kiss. A tiny peck. Just enough so he would give her the damn inhalers. There wasn't supposed to be anything behind it; no feelings or anything. Why would there be? It was _Sawyer_! The man was a total redneck asshole, making her kiss him before he even considered giving her the inhalers. And then, as it turned out, not even having the inhalers in the first place!

Kate sighed and rolled over onto her stomach, looking out at the ocean, oddly full of peace. She knew she should be wary at night, what with all the weird things that had happened already on the island, but she couldn't care any less. She had things to think about, and when the island was so quiet, and the ocean was so calm, she couldn't help but ignore the fact that the island was dangerous. That would be food for thought another day.

Sawyer was what she wanted to think about on that particular night. It hadn't even been an entire day since their kiss, but it felt like a lifetime. Why? Because she wanted to be back there, in that clearing, with him staring at her so helplessly that she couldn't help but allow her heart to melt. She wanted to be kissing him again, and she wanted it so damn badly that it almost hurt her physically to be thinking about it.

Thinking about it…God, just thinking about it. She remembered kneeling in front of him, and thinking that he really _was _the best-looking man on the island, despite what she had thought about Jack before. Jack was still number-one on her guy list, but Sawyer had gained some points. (When on a deserted island, sitting and staring out at the ocean, you run out of happy things to think of really quick. Kate's guy list was the one thing that could get her mind off of her complicated past.) She had looked him straight in the eye, and he hadn't looked away, but he'd stared back, sadder then she'd ever imagined him. _Why the hell is he sad?_ She had asked herself at that moment. _He's getting what he wants!_

And so she had leaned in to kiss him. As she leaned closer, the scent of blood and sweat filled her nostrils, and it reminded her that he had just been through a particularly painful torture session. The pity was welling in her heart, and she felt the urge to wrap her arms around him and lay his head on her shoulders. She wanted to comfort the bastard, all because he was tortured for being an ass! She couldn't believe herself.

But as her lips met his, the world seemed to explode with new emotions and possibilities. She didn't want to pull away. She couldn't. Sawyer's lips were closed, as if he expected nothing more out of the kiss, but Kate didn't remove her lips. She parted them slightly, keeping her eyes firmly closed. Sawyer finally got the message that she wasn't about to take her lips away, and he hesitantly returned the kiss.

There had been something about that moment that just made Kate's entire body quiver when she thought about it. It was perfect. It was amazing. It was, well, beautiful! (Despite the fact that immediately after the kiss, Sawyer had revealed that he didn't have the inhalers, she had slapped him, Sayid had gone after Sawyer, Sawyer attacked Sayid, and Sawyer ended up nearly bleeding to death on the jungle floor…) It had been the best kiss of her life.

That, obviously, brought things back to Jack. She had thought, from the first day on the island, that she and Jack had this whole 'thing' going on, and so did pretty much everyone else. Then, after the whole thing with the air marshal, they had fallen back to square one. It seemed that everything she said or did, he was trying to figure out if he should trust her or not. It was all so confusing.

Kate finally stood up and shook the sand off of her. She realized that it was getting pretty cold out, and she decided to head back to the camp.

"Going somewhere, Freckles?"

She froze when she heard him. In that one second, she realized why she no longer felt so strongly for Jack. It was because she had gotten a taste of Sawyer, literally. Going from Jack to Sawyer was like having your favorite food be broccoli, and then discovering chocolate cake. After Sawyer, Jack just seemed so…bland.

"Yes," Kate said coldly, trying to keep the tremor out of her voice. "I'm going back to camp."

Sawyer moved towards her, but she still didn't turn around. It made her nervous, knowing that he was standing there behind her, and she couldn't see him, but she refused to turn. His hand lightly rested on her shoulder. She allowed it to remain there for a few moments before reluctantly but forcefully shaking it off.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, finally turning to face him, her hands on her hips. "Why aren't you back at the camp."

He was moving closer. He was so close that she could see that he had no shirt on even in the dark. She repressed the urge to place her hands on the bandage that encircled his arm.

"I saw you leavin', and I decided to follow you. Thought you'd be out here meetin' with Dr. Quinn or Saddam or someone."

"Sayid left," Kate said impatiently. "He went to map the island."

She didn't bother telling Sawyer about the real reason that Sayid left. Sawyer would just laugh it off. He wouldn't care.

"So I've been lookin' over my shoulder this whole time for nothing?" Sawyer asked with that charming grin of his. "Well, least now I might be able to sleep easier."

"Go back to camp," Kate said forcefully. She tried not to watch as the lazy grin grew broader.

"Well, s'long as we're headin' to the same place…" he said, trailing off and smiling at her, a real smile this time. Kate frowned.

"I'll head back in a little while," she said.

"Well, then, I'll wait for ya," Sawyer replied. Kate's frown turned into a scowl, and she sighed heavily.

"Look, Sawyer, I'm not in the mood," she said. "I don't have time for your asshole bullshit, okay?"

Sawyer laughed and shook his head, running a hand through his (perfect) hair. Kate just looked up at him impatiently.

"Freckles, you're never in the mood for anything," he said. "There's always somethin' on your mind. You need to take it easy."

"Yeah, sure," Kate said sarcastically. "Now please, leave."

"What if I don't want to?"

Kate sighed with exasperation and plopped down on the sand, staring out to the ocean once again. Sawyer slowly sank down beside her and ignored her sullen glare. Lying on his side, his body facing her, he propped himself up on one elbow and looked out at the ocean, lazily playing with the sand with his other hand.

"What is it about the ocean that you like so much?" he asked gently a moment later. She looked at him with surprise. The tone of his voice had changed from his usual playful banter to a deeply thoughtful, serious tone. She hadn't thought it possible for Sawyer to be serious unless he was pissed off at something.

"It's quiet," she replied after a short while. Sawyer laughed and looked back out at the ocean, sighing only slightly.

"So you don't like talking to people?" he asked after a moment. Kate sighed and shot him another glare. He just smiled in return.

"I like talking to some people," she said with all the false patience of a kindergarten teacher.

"Like Jackass?" Sawyer asked, looking up at her with a knowing grin. Kate sighed and looked down at him.

"Yes," she said. "I like talking to Jack."

There was another short pause, and then Sawyer responded, in a voice so quiet.

"Do you like talking to me?"

Kate looked at him in surprise. There was some insecurity in his voice, some hidden fear, and Kate couldn't help but smile at him slightly, though it was completely against her will. She turned her head back to the ocean.

"When you're not being an ass," she replied after a moment. Sawyer laughed again, and even Kate's shoulders shook slightly as she chuckled a bit.

"Well, Freckles, you tell me when I'm _not _bein' an ass, all right?" he said, patting her leg gently in a way that made Kate's entire body tremble. "Then we can have a real good conversation. One that you'll actually enjoy."

Sawyer started to stand up, and suddenly Kate was filled with panic. He couldn't leave! Not when they were so close! So close to what? To kissing again? If she kissed Sawyer again, she'd look like a fool, and she knew it. But she couldn't help but feel slightly…frightened.

"Wait," she said, grabbing his good arm as he stood. He looked down on her with unconcealed surprise. "I'm enjoying this one."

Sawyer's smile melted her heart, and he plopped down next to her again, in the same position.

"You are?" he asked with surprise. "Well, and I thought you hated me."

"I did," Kate said seriously.

"But you don't anymore," Sawyer said thoughtfully. "Hmm. Well, by all logic you should hate me more. Maybe I'm just a really good kisser."

"Maybe I found out who the _real _Sawyer is," Kate said, leaning her head close to his and whispering as if she was telling a secret. "And maybe I see a chance for a…better Sawyer. One that _isn't _an ass."

Sawyer's face grew cloudy, and Kate knew what was coming.

"You pity me?" he asked, sneering. "I thought we had this discussion, Freckles. I don't want your pity."

"I don't," Kate said shortly. She stood, and he followed her, leaning close, his eyes filled with anger. Kate couldn't help but lean back. "I…I don't pity you."

"Oh?" Sawyer asked, retaining all of his anger. Kate suddenly felt helpless and she allowed herself to bring her eyes up to his.

"I don't pity you," she said again, this time stronger. "I just want to know _you_. Not Sawyer. _You_."

Sawyer sighed and looked past her, back to the camp. Then, he looked down at the ground, giving a little huff of a laugh like he always did when he had been caught in a situation that he couldn't get out of.

"I _am _Sawyer," he said finally, and the self-loathing in his eyes drove an ice-like spear of fear into Kate's heart. He tried to smile, but there was no humor there.

"No," she said with uncharacteristic desperation, reaching out and taking his hand before she even knew she was doing it. "You're not!"

Sawyer looked down at her fingers, which were entwined in his, and he sighed. Looking back into Kate's eyes, he slowly shook his head.

"How do you know who I am?" he asked coldly. Kate drew herself up to her full height, and she looked at Sawyer with piercing eyes.

"How do _you _know who _I _am?" she repeated, arching an eyebrow. Sawyer gave another laugh.

"I guess no one really knows anyone on this island, do they?" he asked. Kate smiled and looked down at the ground, not dropping his hand. "Seems like everyone's got their own little secrets."

"They do," Kate said, looking back up again to catch Sawyer's radiant blue eyes. "But, then, doesn't everyone have secrets?"

Sawyer nodded slowly, gazing at her as if he were really seeing her for the first time.

"Yeah," he said. "Everyone does. Some better-hidden than others."

Kate sighed and looked up at him in that sideways way that she always did.

"Why are you here?" she asked. "Why did you follow me?"

"I think we both know the answer to that one," Sawyer said. Kate looked at him questioningly, and Sawyer grinned before continuing. "I wanted to see what you an Jackass had going."

"There's nothing," Kate said quickly, perhaps a little _too _quickly. "Jack…there's nothing."

"I find that hard to believe," Sawyer replied with a laugh. "All the flirting the two of you have been doing is driving everyone insane. I have a bet going with Steve on when the two of you will actually make it official."

"Oh really?" Kate asked, dropping Sawyer's hand at last and putting her hand on her hip. "And how long did you say it was going to take?"

Sawyer stopped smiling.

"I said in a few weeks," he said vaguely. "Jack seems like a slow-movin' guy."

Kate breathed a laugh and looked back out at the ocean. Sawyer sighed and looked back to the forest. They stood there for a moment, close together, but not touching. Finally, Kate sighed and looked up at Sawyer, slightly surprised to find that he was looking back at her as well. Blushing, she looked down at her feet.

"You ready to head back yet?" Sawyer asked quietly. "Or am I gonna have to wait out here all night."

"You don't have to wait," Kate reminded him in a tone that was just as soft.

"What if I wanna?" he asked with a small smile; one that made her heart jump.

"Well, then, stop complaining," she said softly. Sawyer gave a huff of a laugh and looked down at his own feet.

"I wasn't complaining," he said gently. To her surprise, he reached up and brushed a wave of hair out of her face. "Sorry," he said in reply to the astonished look she gave him. "It was in your face."

"Thanks," Kate said with a grin spreading over her features. Could this bashful, hesitant, quiet man before her be the 'Sawyer' she was searching for? She cocked her head and looked up at him with softness in her eyes that had never been present before.

Sawyer seemed to notice this chance in attitude, and he grinned at her, one side of his mouth coming up in a sweet smirk. Kate smiled back and, amazingly, felt herself blush. Though it was dark enough for her blush to be mistaken for a shadow, she lowered her head once again.

She felt gentle hands caress her cheek, and she looked up in surprise. Sawyer was looking down at her, fear and apprehension on his face. He wasn't sure of what he was doing, apparently. Kate wasn't sure why that came as a shock to her.

"We should be getting back," he said, squeezing his eyes shut and pulling his hand away roughly. It took all of Kate's willpower to keep her mouth from dropping open in shock.

"I…" she began, before she realized that anything she said would make her sound desperate. That wasn't something she wanted. What she _did _want was standing right in front of her, and he was suggesting that they go back to the camp. "Why?"

"Because, Freckles," said Sawyer, all insecurity and adorableness gone, replaced with the old Sawyer who she loved to hate. "It's dangerous out here at night."

With that, Sawyer turned and started walking back to the camp, his head low. As Kate watched him, he ran a hand through his hair. She wasn't sure, but she thought she saw him shake his head. Though she didn't know what he was shaking his head at, she thought she had a pretty good idea.

So he still wanted to be hated. Well, she would have to find a way past that. But still she smiled as she turned and looked out to the ocean, because for a few moments, she had seen what the _real _Sawyer looked like, and it wasn't the tough redneck she had known for the past week or so. It was a real man. A real person.

"Hey Freckles!"

Kate turned and looked back to where Sawyer stood, watching her with a smile on his face.

"What?" she asked, her arms folded across her chest.

"You comin'?"

Sawyer smiled, and Kate returned the gesture. With one last longing look out at the ocean, she turned and walked towards Sawyer, keeping her arms folded as they were. When she reached him, she looked up at him with a small, secretive smile.

"Thanks, Sawyer," she said simply. Sawyer just grinned at her, looking slightly confused.

"For what, Freckles?" he asked.

"For waiting," Kate replied.

With another set of exchanged grins, the two walked in a companionable silence back to camp.


End file.
